Safety Planning when Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Leaving an abusive relationship can be the most dangerous time, the violence and the abuse can escalate at this time, here are some tips taken from The National Domestic Violence Hotline and Domestic Violence Resource Center to help with safety. 

When preparing to leave...

• Keep any evidence of physical abuse, such as pictures of injuries.
• Keep a journal of all violent incidences, noting dates, events and threats made, if possible. Keep your journal in a safe place.
• Know where you can go to get help. Tell someone what is happening to you. Determine safe people you can stay with and plan leaving with.
• If you are injured, go to a doctor or an emergency room and report what happened to you. Ask that they document your visit.
• Plan with your children and identify a safe place for them, like a room with a lock or a friend’s house where they can go for help. Reassure them that their job is to stay safe, not to protect you.
• Contact your local shelter and find out about laws and other resources available to you before you have to use them during a crisis.
• Acquire job skills or take courses at a community college as you can.
• Try to set money aside or ask friends or family members to hold money for you.
• Establish your independence. Open savings and credit card accounts in your name only and specifically instruct institutions that your partner is not to have access.
• Leave money, extra keys, copies of important documents, extra medicine and clothes with someone you trust so you can leave quickly. 
• Keep a packed bag at a trusted relative’s or friend’s home.
•  A health care provider can become an active participant in your plan to leave.
• If possible, don’t leave pets alone with an abusive partner. If you are planning to leave, talk to friends, family or your veterinarian about temporary care for your pet. If that is not an option, search by state or zip code for services that assist domestic violence survivors with safekeeping for their pets.
• If you’ve had to leave your pet behind with your abusive partner, try to ask for assistance from law enforcement officials or animal control to see if they can intervene.
• Take steps to prove ownership of your pet: have them vaccinated and license them with your town, ensuring that these registrations are made in your name (change them if they aren’t). 

If you are staying in your own home..

• Change the locks on your doors. (Landlords are legally obligated to change locks within 24 hrs if you are experiencing Domestic Violence).
• Install locks on your windows, if renting check with and inform landlord
• Discuss and practice a safety plan with your children for when you are not with them.
• Inform your children’s schools or caregivers who has permission to pick up your children.
• Inform neighbors and landlord that your partner no longer lives with you and to call the police if they see him or her near your home.

When leaving an abusive relationship...

Be aware when leaving an abusive relationship you may be able to request a police escort, or for police stand by. Domestic violence shelters often have advocates available to be there when leaving. Make a plan for where you will go and how you will leave.

If you need to leave quickly, here is a list of things to bring with you...

1) Identification

• Driver’s license
• Birth certificate and children’s birth certificates
• Social security cards
• Financial information
• Money and/or credit cards (in your name)
• Checking and/or savings account books

2) Legal Papers

• Protective order
• Copies of any lease or rental agreements, or the deed to your home
• Car registration and insurance papers
• Health and life insurance papers
• Medical records for you and your children
• School records
• Work permits/green Card/visa
• Passport
• Divorce and custody papers
• Marriage license

3) Emergency Numbers

• Your local police and/or sheriff’s department
• Your local domestic violence program or shelter
• Friends, relatives and family members
• Your local doctor’s office and hospital
• County and/or District Attorney’s Office 
  

4) Other

• Medications
• Extra set of house and car keys
• Valuable jewelry
• Pay-as-you-go cell phone
• Address book
• Pictures and sentimental items
• Several changes of clothes for you and your children
• Blankets, small toys for children
• Hygiene necessities
• Emergency money
• If you have pets,  Bring extra provisions for them, copies of their medical records and important phone numbers.

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sources: Path to Safety - National Domestic Violence Hotline. (n.d.). Retrieved December 8, 2019, from https://www.thehotline.org/help/path-to-safety/., ljzd1o. (2017, November 1). Safety Planning. Retrieved December 8, 2019, from https://www.dvrc-or.org/safety-planning/.