Survey Collection
I collected data though an anonymous survey on SurveyMonkey on Domestic Violence, asking for participation through Facebook. The survey was composed of ten questions, of multiple choice and short answer variety. There was no incentive in taking the survey besides helping me in completing my bachelor's degree. Psychological harm was very minimal because the survey was anonymous but participants were informed of the potential triggering topic of domestic violence.
The survey centered around the question "is it a person's fault for staying in an abusive relationship?". This survey was collected because there is a high stigma of negative thoughts to individuals who stay in abusive relationships, with ideas that they are "asking for it", "have done something to deserve the abuse", "if they stay it's their fault for being abused.". With these stigmas as well it is ignored the dangerous aspect of leaving an abusive relationship, as well as the emotional/social/cultural and physical reasons a person has issues leaving an abusive relationship.
Demographics
(153 individuals took the survey, but some chose to skip questions)
Results and Analysis
86.84% of individuals surveyed had been in an abusive relationship or known someone who had been in an abusive relationship, 10.53% of individuals had not been in an abusive relationship nor knew someone who had been. 1.32% chose Prefer not to say. Two participants commented under other "Emotionally abusive yes, physically abusive no.", and "Not domestic".
"Is it a person’s own fault for staying in an abusive relationship? Explain"
110 out of 135 (82.9%) responses had answers to the specified it was not the person's fault for staying in an abusive relationship. Responses most often listed for reasoning, "victim feels alone", "lack of resources", "can't safely leave", "may be killed","Manipulation", "dependency", "don't see leaving as an option", "Not as easy as it seems to just leave", "threats", "fear", "they are a victim", "psychological reasons", "gas lighting". "children involved".
17 out of 135 (12.69%) responses had answers specifying a yes and no response for if it was the person's fault. These responses most often mentioned, "victim's responsibility to seek help and assistance to get out", "victim chooses to stay", "individual has the option to leave", "if they know they are being abused", "should be accountable for not standing up for yourself", "like the highs of the relationship", "fault for returning to an abusive relationship", "should be able to if they have all the resources".
7 out of 135 (5.22%) responses had responded yes it is a person's own fault for staying in an abusive relationship. These reposes mentioned, "they could just leave", "so many resources available, a quick call to 911, I can't think of a single reason someone would stay in an abusive relationship", "ultimately the person's fault".
"Is being abused ever the victim’s fault?"
125 out of 131 (95.42%) responses had answers to specify being abused is not the victim's fault. These responses often mentioned "never the victim's fault", "no reason to ever abuse someone", "nothing that a person can do to justify any level of abuse.", " They didn’t ask for it to be that way.", "No one invites abuse or becoming a victim.", "it just takes an evil kind of person to be abusive.", "The abuser is always 100% at fault. Even if they have some kind of trauma leading them to do the actions they do, it’s their responsibility to deal with it in a healthy manner and not take it out on someone else.", "An abusive person is an abusive person. People do not cause other people to be abusive.".
6 out of 131 (4.58%) responses had answers saying it was the victim's fault or could be the victim's fault for being abused. The respondents' reasoning were, "You have to willingly give someone your power.", "a person who continually puts themselves at risk knowingly", "probably has severe underlying issues", " sometimes victims also know the right buttons to push to see how far their abuser will go", "Some find comfort in the abuse because it is familiar and it is sought out", "I believe each situation is different", "sometimes the victim will cause the other partner to retaliate for the things was being said or if the abuse victim start hitting the partner.".
"If a relationship was actually that abusive, a person would just leave"
76 out of 131 (58.02%) responded no.
9 out of 131 (6.87%) responded yes.
46 out of 131 (35.11%) responded other.
Most common listed reasons for other were "Depends on the circumstances", "it's never that simple.", "may not know where to go, how to find support.", "Safety first", "abuse often makes a person too scared or in danger to leave.", "May not be able to leave.", "people have no idea how difficult it can be.".
"I believe leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous"
115 out of 130 (88.46%) responded yes.
2 out of 130 (1.54%) responded no.
13 out of 130 (10 %) responded other.
Most common reasons listed for other were, "Sometimes", "Both staying and leaving are dangerous usually.", "t can be dangerous but not always with the right supports", "Some woman have died from leaving their abuser and the person coming after them", " depends on the level of abuse."
"Why do you believe people stay in abusive relationships?"
Most common answers listed were:
"What do you think would help someone who is trying to leave an abusive relationship?"
Most common answers listed were:
The survey centered around the question "is it a person's fault for staying in an abusive relationship?". This survey was collected because there is a high stigma of negative thoughts to individuals who stay in abusive relationships, with ideas that they are "asking for it", "have done something to deserve the abuse", "if they stay it's their fault for being abused.". With these stigmas as well it is ignored the dangerous aspect of leaving an abusive relationship, as well as the emotional/social/cultural and physical reasons a person has issues leaving an abusive relationship.
Demographics
(153 individuals took the survey, but some chose to skip questions)
Female
|
94.77%
145
|
Male
|
3.92%
6
|
Non-binary
|
1.31%
2
|
Prefer not to say
|
0.00%
0
|
| TOTAL | 153 |
Under 20
|
3.92%
6
|
20-30
|
67.32%
103
|
31-40
|
13.07%
20
|
41-50
|
8.50%
13
|
51-60
|
3.92%
6
|
61-70
|
3.27%
5
|
71-80
|
0.00%
0
|
81+
|
0.00%
0
|
| TOTAL |
Asian
|
1.31%
2
|
Black/African
|
2.61%
4
|
Caucasian
|
94.12%
144
|
Hispanic/Latinx
|
1.31%
2
|
Native American
|
2.61%
4
|
Pacific Islander
|
0.00%
0
|
Prefer not to say
|
1.96%
3
|
Other (please specify)
|
0.00%
0
|
| Total Respondents: 153 |
Results and Analysis
86.84% of individuals surveyed had been in an abusive relationship or known someone who had been in an abusive relationship, 10.53% of individuals had not been in an abusive relationship nor knew someone who had been. 1.32% chose Prefer not to say. Two participants commented under other "Emotionally abusive yes, physically abusive no.", and "Not domestic".
"Is it a person’s own fault for staying in an abusive relationship? Explain"
110 out of 135 (82.9%) responses had answers to the specified it was not the person's fault for staying in an abusive relationship. Responses most often listed for reasoning, "victim feels alone", "lack of resources", "can't safely leave", "may be killed","Manipulation", "dependency", "don't see leaving as an option", "Not as easy as it seems to just leave", "threats", "fear", "they are a victim", "psychological reasons", "gas lighting". "children involved".
17 out of 135 (12.69%) responses had answers specifying a yes and no response for if it was the person's fault. These responses most often mentioned, "victim's responsibility to seek help and assistance to get out", "victim chooses to stay", "individual has the option to leave", "if they know they are being abused", "should be accountable for not standing up for yourself", "like the highs of the relationship", "fault for returning to an abusive relationship", "should be able to if they have all the resources".
7 out of 135 (5.22%) responses had responded yes it is a person's own fault for staying in an abusive relationship. These reposes mentioned, "they could just leave", "so many resources available, a quick call to 911, I can't think of a single reason someone would stay in an abusive relationship", "ultimately the person's fault".
"Is being abused ever the victim’s fault?"
125 out of 131 (95.42%) responses had answers to specify being abused is not the victim's fault. These responses often mentioned "never the victim's fault", "no reason to ever abuse someone", "nothing that a person can do to justify any level of abuse.", " They didn’t ask for it to be that way.", "No one invites abuse or becoming a victim.", "it just takes an evil kind of person to be abusive.", "The abuser is always 100% at fault. Even if they have some kind of trauma leading them to do the actions they do, it’s their responsibility to deal with it in a healthy manner and not take it out on someone else.", "An abusive person is an abusive person. People do not cause other people to be abusive.".
6 out of 131 (4.58%) responses had answers saying it was the victim's fault or could be the victim's fault for being abused. The respondents' reasoning were, "You have to willingly give someone your power.", "a person who continually puts themselves at risk knowingly", "probably has severe underlying issues", " sometimes victims also know the right buttons to push to see how far their abuser will go", "Some find comfort in the abuse because it is familiar and it is sought out", "I believe each situation is different", "sometimes the victim will cause the other partner to retaliate for the things was being said or if the abuse victim start hitting the partner.".
"If a relationship was actually that abusive, a person would just leave"
76 out of 131 (58.02%) responded no.
9 out of 131 (6.87%) responded yes.
46 out of 131 (35.11%) responded other.
Most common listed reasons for other were "Depends on the circumstances", "it's never that simple.", "may not know where to go, how to find support.", "Safety first", "abuse often makes a person too scared or in danger to leave.", "May not be able to leave.", "people have no idea how difficult it can be.".
"I believe leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous"
115 out of 130 (88.46%) responded yes.
2 out of 130 (1.54%) responded no.
13 out of 130 (10 %) responded other.
Most common reasons listed for other were, "Sometimes", "Both staying and leaving are dangerous usually.", "t can be dangerous but not always with the right supports", "Some woman have died from leaving their abuser and the person coming after them", " depends on the level of abuse."
"Why do you believe people stay in abusive relationships?"
Most common answers listed were:
- Fear of the unknown or change
- They do not know how to safely leave
- Shame, embarrassment, terror, helplessness
- Financial problems
- Lack of resources
- Low self esteem, a distorted view of the situation and the possibility beyond it.
- Love, trauma, deception
- The victims are some times conditioned to forgive their abuser.
- It can be dangerous to leave them as they can become even more violent.
- Hope that the abuser will eventually change
- They believe they will never be loved again.
- Children in the picture
- Cycle of violence
- Fear no one will believe them.
- Manipulation
- Power
- Brainwashed
- Nowhere else to go
- Fear of the consequences.
- They still have love for that person and it makes it very hard for the victim to leave.
"What do you think would help someone who is trying to leave an abusive relationship?"
Most common answers listed were:
- Support from family and friends
- Access to resources
- A safe place to stay
- Help
- Money
- Transportation
- Counseling
- Self confidence
- Recognition that they are in unhealthy relationship
- Childcare
- Housing
- Proper emotional support
- Education
- Job opportunities
- People to believe them and trust
- Help lines
- Legal involvement
- Shelters
- Support, love, and options.
- Support systems
- Someone who has been there to relate with them and tell them how it really is.
- Intermittent reminders that there are resources for them if/when they are ready to leave.
- Letting them know that it is not their fault and that you are there for them.
- Police protection, safe houses, not going back once they’re out
- Societal change.
- Discreet help, something the abuser wouldn’t know is help.
- The abused person realize they deserve better
- Protection
- Government and locally run programs
- Guaranteed safety of other loved ones.
- Free health care
- Better understanding of mental health
- Public support, a lack of judgment from others is key.
- Stricter laws that protect the victims.
- The person has to feel the need to leave
- An opportunity to start over with a clean slate
- Tell your story. Be an ear to listen. Offer advice when needed. Never judge. Be kind. Tell them they are strong and you are proud of them.
- A real change needs to happen with the laws and law enforcement before other solutions can be tackled.
- Awareness
- Empowerment through empowerment
- A safe space
- A culture who doesn’t victim blame.
- More easily accessible and feasible resources, such as doctors, psychologists, counselors and other professionals that can help.
- A helping hand
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