Safety Planning When Staying in an Abusive Relationship

Safety tips when choosing, for the time being, to stay in the relationship (from the National Domestic Hotline and Domestic Violence Resource Center).
  • Identify safe areas of the house where there are no weapons and there are ways to escape. If arguments occur, try to move to those areas.
  •  Identify your partner’s use and level of force so that you can assess the risk of physical danger to you and your children before it occurs.
  • If violence is unavoidable, make yourself a small target. Dive into a corner and curl up into a ball with your face protected and arms around each side of your head, fingers entwined.
  • If possible, have a phone accessible at all times and know what numbers to call for help. Know where the nearest public phone is located. Know the phone number to your local shelter. If your life is in danger, call the police. Have emergency 911 phones hidden throughout the home.
  • Let trusted friends and neighbors know of your situation and develop a plan and visual signal for when you need help. Ask them to call the police if they hear or see any disturbance.
  • Practice how to get out safely. Practice with your children.
  • Plan for what you will do if your partner finds out about your plan.
  • Keep weapons like guns and knives locked away and as inaccessible as possible.
  • Make a habit of backing the car into the driveway and keeping it fueled. Keep the driver’s door unlocked and others locked — for a quick escape.
  • Try not to wear scarves or long jewelry that could be used to strangle you.
  • Create several plausible reasons for leaving the house at different times of the day or night.
  • If you’re pregnant, there is always a heightened risk during violent situations. If you’re in a home with stairs, try to stay on the first floor.  Getting into the fetal position around your stomach if you’re being attacked is another tactic that can be instrumental in staying safe.
  • Remember that all computer and online activity may be monitored. Abusers may monitor your emails and internet activity, if you are planning to flee to a particular location, don’t look at classified ads for jobs and apartments, bus tickets, etc.
  • for that place. It is safer to use a computer in a public library, at a trusted friend’s house, at an internet cafe, or any other public terminals.
  • Trust your instincts and judgment. You have the right to protect yourself until you are out of danger
Safety planning when children are involved: 

  • Teach your children when and how to call 911.
  • In a violent situation don’t run to where the children are, as your partner may hurt them as well.
  • Instruct them to leave the home if possible when things begin to escalate, and where they can go.
  • Come up with a code word that you can say when they need to leave the home in case of an emergency  — make sure that they know not to tell others what the secret word means.
  • In the house: identify a room they can go to when they’re afraid and something they can think about when they’re scared.
  • Instruct them to stay out of the kitchen, bathroom and other areas where there are items that could be used as weapons.
  • Teach them that although they want to protect their parent, they should never intervene.
  • Help them make a list of people that they are comfortable talking with and expressing themselves to.
  • Enroll them in a counseling program. Local service providers often have children’s programs.
  • Tell your children that violence is never right, even when someone they love is being violent. Tell them that neither you, nor they, are at fault or are the cause of the violence, and that when anyone is being violent, it is important to stay safe.
  • Plan for what you will do if your children tells your partner of your plan or if your partner otherwise finds out about your plan.
Picture source:https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ff/1d/32/ff1d32f56f34944219424e6c3f0d90c4.jpg
sources:Path to Safety - National Domestic Violence Hotline. (n.d.). Retrieved December 8, 2019, from https://www.thehotline.org/help/path-to-safety/., ljzd1o. (2017, November 1). Safety Planning. Retrieved December 8, 2019, from https://www.dvrc-or.org/safety-planning/.

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