The Fire With In: A Domestic Violence Resource Blog

I collected data though an anonymous survey on SurveyMonkey on Domestic Violence, asking for participation through Facebook. The survey was composed of ten questions, of multiple choice and short answer variety. There was no incentive in taking the survey besides helping me in completing my bachelor's degree. Psychological harm was very minimal because the survey was anonymous but participants were informed of the potential triggering topic of domestic violence. The survey centered around the question "is it a person's fault for staying in an abusive relationship?". This survey was collected because there is a high stigma of negative thoughts to individuals who stay in abusive relationships, with ideas that they are "asking for it", "have done something to deserve the abuse", "if they stay it's their fault for being abused.". With these stigmas as well it is ignored the dangerous aspect of leaving an abusive relationship, as well as...

"On average, 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner in the United States — more than 12 million women and men over the course of a year." "1 in 4 women (24.3%) and 1 in 7 men (13.8%) aged 18 and older in the United States have been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime."  "From 1994 to 2010, about 4 in 5 victims of intimate partner violence were female" "81% of women who experienced rape, stalking, or physical violence by an intimate partner reported significant short- or long-term impacts such as post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms and injury" 1 in 15 children are exposed to intimate partner violence each year, and 90% of these children are eyewitnesses to this violence "30 to 60% of perpetrators of intimate partner violence also abuse children in the household."  "One in 10 high school students has experienced physica...

When it comes to domestic violence and abusive relationships, there seems to be a societal view that if the abuse is that bad, why doesn't a person just leave? There becomes a societal stigma, whether said out loud or not that a women must have done something to be abused, or enjoys the abuse. Authors Nancy Rhodes and Eva Baranoff McKenzie (1998) write "battered women learn to see themselves as functionally helpless and powerless to escape their situation. Therefore, they remain not because they want to but because they believe there is no point in trying to get out....the repeated batterings, like electrical shocks, diminish the woman’s motivation to respond.". Women often try their best to improve the relationship, thinking if they just did "such and such" different, or cared more, things would be better."A significant number of women remain in violent relationships due to their belief that they can save their partners from violence. If she perceives he...

Your life is a blank canvas, So bare and empty, You can hear the sound of its forgotten existence Meaningless A burst of explosive color Paint messily strewn about It dances about the background Flashes of warm and blissfulness Bleeding downward in pain and regret You can hear the harmony and dissonance in its movement and shapes. Once a stroke is laid upon, it can not be erased Can be pilled on by decision and decision of overwhelming color Chipped away at, To try to expose pictures of the past But can not be repeated This painting will never be created again Can be copied by others But will never be the same You are the artist A masterpiece waiting to happen An epiphany Then it is gone It is done, done forever. Do you want to be the painting everyone is inspired to see? Or the knock off, hidden away in the shadows Afraid of its true potential to be great and make a difference. Your life is a blank canvas. Picture source:https://www.bloglovin.com/blog...

Domestic Violence victims are often filled with shame; shame from their abuse, and shame for staying the abusive relationship. Often victims may deny their abuse, or downplay their abuse, because they are often afraid how they will be treated by others. Being abused, and admitting to yourself the abuse, makes you a victim, being a victim often comes with the idea of being weak.  Author Wendy Patrick, of Psychology Today (2018) explains other examples of reasons victims are silenced "reporting the perpetrator´s behavior would involve revealing embarrassing and humiliating details they would rather never discuss—especially if they have been enduring this treatment for years.", she also writes "victims with children fear being labeled a “bad parent” for staying with a violent partner.  It is easier for some victims in this situation to rationalize they are living with a bad spouse, but a good parent.". People often blame victims for returning to an abusive relations...

Picture source:https://afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/2014/11/28/it-wasnt-love/

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I am a victim, I have been hit, and I have been hurt. I have been put down, I have been broken. I have cried. I have feared. But I am also Mary. I am a survivor. Listen. Look. Don’t speak. Be quiet. Can you hear in his footsteps he is angry? What did you do? Where has the light gone from his eyes? The tension in his body. Can you feel it, even when he is not hitting you? The pain. The words.  You can’t run, you can’t fight. Don’t try, it will make it worse. Listen. Look. Don’t speak. Be quiet. He is coming. Speak the truth even if your voice shakes. Do they remember me. Do they remember what you did to me. I am here Picture source:https://www.tumblr.com/safe-mode?url=https%3A%2F%2Fqueerpuke.tumblr.com%2Fimage%2F84557318454

Protection Orders can be an important part of safety when it comes to abusive relationships.  "A protective order can help protect you immediately by legally keeping your abuser/partner from physically coming near you, harming you or harassing you, your children or your family members. This legal documentation to keep your abusive partner away from you can often contain provisions related to custody, finance and more. While protective orders may be able to put a stop to physical abuse, psychological abuse is still possible. As well as, the fact that protection orders must chosen to be followed by the abuser— so a protective order should never replace a safety plan.  If you already have a protective order, it should be kept on you at all times — and copies should be given to your children and anyone they might be with — especially when you’re leaving your partner." (The Domestic Violence Hotline)  You can get an application for a protective order at: ...

As found out by many survivors, the journey of leaving an abusive relationship is not over after leaving, there are steps to be taken for continued safety after leaving. Here are some important tips/things to consider from The National Domestic Violence Hotline and Domestic Violence Resource Center. Change your locks and phone number. Call the telephone company to request caller ID. Ask that your phone number be blocked so that if you call anyone, neither your partner nor anyone else will be able to get your new, unlisted phone number. Change your work hours and the route you take to work. Change the route taken to transport children to school or consider changing your children’s schools. Alert school authorities of the situation. Consider renting a post office box or using the address of a friend for your mail (be aware that addresses are on restraining orders and police reports, and be careful to whom you give your new address and phone number). Reschedule appointments that ...

Leaving an abusive relationship  can be the most dangerous time, the violence and the abuse can escalate  at this time, here are some tips taken from The National Domestic Violence Hotline and Domestic Violence Resource Center to help with safety.  When preparing to leave... Keep any evidence of physical abuse, such as pictures of injuries. Keep a journal of all violent incidences, noting dates, events and threats made, if possible. Keep your journal in a safe place. Know where you can go to get help. Tell someone what is happening to you. Determine safe people you can stay with and plan leaving with. If you are injured, go to a doctor or an emergency room and report what happened to you. Ask that they document your visit. Plan with your children and identify a safe place for them, like a room with a lock or a friend’s house where they can go for help. Reassure them that their job is to stay safe, not to protect you. Contact your local shelter and find out about...